In just a blink of an eye, I've come to the last day of my high school life. I always thought I will miss it a lot or would not wanna leave all of my friends, especially close friends. But time passed, people changed and things around you changed too. Without even realising, I've hurt others, I have been really helpful to some people, I've been really a good person or bad person to others. But the most unexpected things actually happened just the last two weeks before we leave the school. Never ever in my life I would expect anything like that to happened.
I've always thought what I've done had put in a lot of efforts, or kindness to at least showed my love towards others. I've decided so many things by my own when came to situations which I were all confuse but no one was there to help me. So, I thought what I decided might even get some understandings from the people I love. As I said, everything was just what I 'thought'. I didn't even think if others really understand and get my efforts? Now, I'm all clear and know the answer very well. No. Nobody understands.
Things started to change after I was in a relationship, and I actually never realised it. I didn't know I was changing, I didn't know others were changing. I only kept thinking to myself, as long as I love them, I thought I decided the right things, everything will be the same and goes well. No, nothing is the same anymore. And I'm really pissed or I should say disappointed of myself for not realising AT ALL.
I might not show enough, and I only make people around me felt worse. I didn't know I was actually showing that I was't putting effort at all. I'm sorry.
I don't know how many times I still want to or have to apologise anymore, I apologised and apologised again, but they have never been accepted. In fact, it finally came to my mind, asking me to accept the truth and reality. I gotta stop depending on others, I gotta move on and face life. This is the reality.
Still, memories flashed back in my mind most of the time, seeing them again are like the hardest thing for me already. Holding back every time. Thinking to myself, should I start a conversation first? Should I say sorry again?
Stupid me for thinking all these. No, I won't go back again.
Unexpectedly saw a pictures today while going to the washroom, a saying written on it was something like never turn back to the thing that have left, move on or something like that.
So, I've decided to leave. Goodbye to my high school life. I've had 5 years of great schooling days even though I hate almost all the teachers, I had bunch of good and best friends. Thank you for coming into my life. I've changed so much for the past 5 years.. thank you for tolerating with me sometimes, thank you for being there when I'm facing any problem, thank you for giving me such great memorise that we could never ever get back. Thank you for all the awesome time we've spent together, the laughter, the jokes, the surprises and the love. And lastly, sorry for my annoying personalities sometimes, for my dumbness, for my arrogant sides or whatever.
One day, I know when we grow up and become mature, we will look back at all those childish things we've done before. All the childish acts and decisions we've made. But there's nothing to regret. This is life.
Bye, high school.
I will be a better person later on, and I will always stay strong. Even if I'm only by my own.
But for now, I'm grateful to aways have my family and my love one around. Couldn't ask for more, so I gotta work hard and prove it. You'll see.